Mentors - How to find one and what to say to them
Possibly one of the best advantages I’ve had throughout my career was having a series of mentors who were accessible and encouraging. Unfortunately, I didn’t always know how to take advantage of the guidance they could provide. There was a myriad of fears that got in the way of me speaking up and making my needs known, but more often than not I was just putting artificial limitations on myself as a misguided sense of self-preservation. That’s much easier for me to recognize now, but as I was navigating the start of my career, I can honestly say I had no idea what was normal, what questions were “dumb”, what problems should be talked about with leadership, etc., so instead I kept quiet and tried to sort things out by myself. I’m here to tell you it definitely does not have to be that way.
First things first, how do you know who is a safe mentor? A few great questions you can ask include:
Do they frequently reach out to ask if you need help?
Are they receptive and encouraging of your career goals regardless of the impact they might have on the company?
Do other mentees speak highly of them?
Do they make themselves accessible during regular intervals for questions or requests for feedback?
Is their feedback supportive while also being constructive?
This isn’t a comprehensive list, but it’s a good start. Conversely, if you ever encounter a mentor that is dismissive, derogatory, or discouraging towards your career goals, they are not meant to be mentoring, and that is not your fault. Nor is it a reflection of you or your abilities. If you are in a situation like that, I would try to identify a safe mentor around you and reach out to them for advice. If you can’t find one around you, that’s not an environment you want to be in for very long.
So what do you do once you’ve found a good mentor? Talk to them! I’ve talked to mentors about everything from what a task means or how to break it up into smaller goals to more personal things like how to manage self-esteem issues, concerns about the direction of the company, or even this blog! If you’re still in school, they’d also be the perfect resource to ask about which classes you should prioritize and how each class could impact your career prospects once you graduate. It took me a few years to understand the value of this and more importantly, the accessibility of it, but once I did, I feel like my professional development started growing exponentially.
Speaking with an identified safe mentor is also a great way to deal with gender harassment (or any other type of harassment) whether in school or in a work environment. They often have more resources available to improve the situation, but won’t always know what’s going on unless you tell them. When talking with them, I would recommend asking to work towards a solution together. That way you’ll both feel comfortable with whatever approach is taken.
In my experience, mentors who meet the criteria mentioned earlier genuinely want to help where they can, but they don’t always know how. When you talk to them about what you’re struggling with and where they can help, they can often be your best advocate aside from yourself. I know it can feel uncomfortable or overwhelming to start these conversations, but they truly are one of the best ways to deal with some of the more difficult aspects of navigating a career in STEM.